Raising A Special Needs Child: Abandoned Hopes & Dreams

I was told my girls will always be 3 months behind what was typical for their age because they were born 3 months prematurely. At every doctor visit I had to give their actual age and adjusted age, 9 months old, 6 months adjusted. But I was also told that most kids are caught up by two. So I kept going with all the therapy visits and waiting.

When my girls were nearing two years old, it was obvious that something wasn't right. Sure enough, after testing and a visit to the neurologist, one was a typical two-year-old, the other was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.

As I came to terms with this news and what it would mean for the rest of her life and ours, I realized that there are things she may never be able to do in life. I was crushed. All the joys and future memories made up in my mind's eye were completely shredded. I grieved.

I had abandoned all hope that my daughter would ride a bike...

or swim...

or walk without a limp.

She's 8 years old now and, although I would love to share the contrary, she still can't ride a bike, or swim, or walk without a limp.

But her life is full, magnificently full, of love, friends, family, and joy and that is what counts.

I haven't given up nor am I in denial. She may never swim, or run a marathon, or may need extra breaks on a walk for the rest of her life or even a wheelchair later in life.

I've learned that hopes and dreams don't need to be abandoned, just changed. I've focused on my daughter, my precious, one of a kind, uniquely talented daughter, and everything else falls into place.

Her education, accomplishments, and aspirations are not limited by her disability. They are only limited by her imagination. As long as I and others who love and support her on this adventure called life, her hopes and dreams will not only be fulfilled but will be higher and better than any dream or hope I had for her.

She's comfortable in the water without a vest on, she rides a horse, she takes hikes in the woods, she's in gymnastics class. She has made tremendous progress and we will continue to push her to her greatest potential. But her value and worth as a person will not be tied to whether or not she can do these things.

So, If anything needs to be abandoned, abandon "typical" and "normal". Abandon "ideal" and "perfect".

My only hope for both of my girls is that they grow to know and love the Lord and have courage enough to follow the path He has set before them. Everything else is a bonus.

What brings your child joy? Does she even care to learn how to ride a bike? Are his interests and dreams for his life taken into consideration? Is she being pushed to her greatest potential?

Our Reasons for Homeschooling

There are so many reasons a family chooses to homeschool. It could be for religious reasons, your child was bullied or not challenged enough. Maybe for medical reasons or the family travels a lot. It could be one singular reason or a mixture of multiple reasons.

Whatever the reason or reasons, all of them are valid.

 My girls were blessed to be at an amazing preschool when they were 3 and 4 years old. The school was designed for students with various special needs. All their needs were met academically and therapeutically. After two great years there it was time for kindergarten. We attended our elementary school's Kindergarten Round-Up, filled out all the paperwork, and completed the dreaded IEP.

That's when anxiety set in.

I realized there were several reasons why going the public school route wasn't going to work for our family. I did not feel comfortable sending my special needs daughter, who was still falling a lot, into a big school with big kids. I didn't like the fact that so much of my legal and paternal rights to my child's education and well-being were being handed off to people who didn't know her and who were also accountable to a few hundred other kids.

As for my typically developing child, I had a feeling that she would be the nail that would have to be hammered down to fit in. She is strong, fierce, and opinionated but gentle and compassionate. I didn't want her to lose that.

I didn't want someone else raising my children and I didn't want to miss out on all that time with them. I love my children!

Now, some people may say that I'm overreacting, I'm being a helicopter parent or I'm sheltering my children. To that, I say they're my kids and the law is on my side.

The longer we keep on this homeschooling journey, the more secure I am in my decision to homeschool. I have shared so many amazing memories with my children and have been learning right alongside them.

I think it's an absolute privilege to see my children learn and grow year after year without missing hardly a thing. Those moments when it finally clicked and she read her first book or how her face lit up when she learned some amazing fact about her favorite animal; those moments belong to us, me and my children.

Thank God that we all have the ability to choose how our children are educated in this country. Whether it be public, private, or homeschool, we choose what's best for our children. One form of education is not less-than another, it's just different.

Whatever your reasons, they are all valid.

Fun Activities to Practice Motor Skills

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If you're a special needs parent chances are you've got several therapies a week to get to with your kiddo. And at the end of every one of them, the therapist gives you "homework" or things to do at home to practice skills learning in therapy. Wonderful idea! The only problem is when in the world are you going to get it done!

I remember at the beginning of it all just trying to survive. I just wanted to get through the day with both kids alive and in clean diapers for the night. It was rough. 

When the therapist would ask if I did any of the at home exercises I felt like a failure because I hadn't. 

Finally, I just said I can't do All. The. Things. I can only do one thing. And that's enough.

Here are a few ideas I have done and continue to do with my daughter that help her complete her "homework" from the therapist, but are, more importantly, fun!

Fine Motor Skills

• Playdoh, putty and kinetic sand with molds and tools have provided hours of play and build hand muscles in the process. 
• These cutting books are great and your kiddo will have a finished product at the end.
• Stickers, stickers, stickers!
• Use liquid glue instead of stick glue. Yes, it's messier, but the work to squeeze glue out of the bottle is great from little hands. Try this book for some fun activities.
• Speaking of glue, put a nickel size amount in your kiddos hands and let her rub it around and dry. Then she can peel it off. Don't you remember how fun that was?!
• Get a bunch of old newspapers and magazines and have her tear them apart. If you have older kiddos or want to practice with liquid glue, tear apart construction paper and make a collage.
• Play games with tweezers. I've gotten these jumbo tweezers from my favorite dollar spot, but you can also use eyebrow tweezers or these with anything from cotton balls to grains of rice. 

Gross Motor

• Go on a nature hike. This is our favorite way to get moving. There are many obstacles to get through and the terrain always changes. It's a challenge, but it's fun. The fresh air is definitely a plus.
• Youtube yoga is also a favorite around here. Cosmic Kids Yoga is our go-to.
• Put on some music and dance!
• Indoor trampoline, if you dare.
• An obstacle course using tape, a few things from your favorite dollar spot, and some creativity.
• A Bosu ball or rocker board for balance practice.

Trying to find the time to fit in one more thing is a challenge and the dose of guilt after not doing being able to can be deflating. Keep these ideas in your back pocket. When an opportunity arises to have some fun with your kiddo, like putting on some dancing music or playing with playdoh, take full advantage. Create a memory while playing with your child, but you're secretly getting him to work out those muscles. 

You're not really trying to fit in one more thing, you're just having some fun!

What are some other activities you have done with your kiddo that are really "homework" from the therapist?

Visual Homeschool Schedule

When we first started our homeschool journey my girls always wanted to know what was next. I should've known better since they always ask what's next. Why would homeschool be any different?

Enter the visual schedule!

I needed something that would be cheap, durable and easy to keep up with. Three years later and we're still using the same system.

As they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

How to Make It

If you want to make your own all you need is

• construction paper
• cardstock
• laminating sheets and laminator
• velcro
• scissors
• small bin
• Microsoft Word

I used a couple of sheets of construction paper taped together to make a long strip, placed my girls' names on top and ran it through the laminator. Then I placed a strip of velcro down the middle, done.

For the scheduling pieces, I had access to Boardmaker which is an awesome product for non-verbal and visually inclined kids. Alternatively, you can use Microsoft Word and pictures from clipart or create your own if you're so artistically inclined. My squares are about 1"x 1". Run them through the laminator and pop velcro (the opposite side you used on the strip) on the back of them, done.

For the bin, I grabbed a couple up from my favorite dollar spot! This is where I keep all the scheduling pieces. As we've added new subjects over time I created new pieces on Boardmaker or Microsoft Word.

How to Use It

Every night or in the morning before school I set up the schedule for the day. The girls are so happy knowing exactly what they are doing every day and they LOVE ripping off a completed assignment and triumphantly putting it in the bin (not exaggerating, sometimes they squeal with delight).

It helps me out too! I don't have to keep going over to my planner to see what's next. I just glance over at the chart or ask one of my girls to tell me what's next.

It's really been a sanity saver, and who couldn't use more of that?

Other Ways to Use This Schedule

You could also use this chart with a morning time routine, bedtime routine, or chore chart.

Play with the orientation of the chart. Make it horizontal or zigzag or round if you're feeling fancy. Make the chart work for you.

You can be as creative and fancy as you like. I went the no fuss, just-get-it-done route 3 years ago and it works great.


How do you keep your daily routine flowing? Do your kids need visuals or are they cool with moving on the next activity?